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can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
