You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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