We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Damn victory sex feels great
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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