My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
