i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Help. Why am I so naked?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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