you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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