I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
