why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
