ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
