i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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