It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
