my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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