I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
