Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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