420 ftw
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
