My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
