I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
