And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
