Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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