dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
