what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
