He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
