I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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