It's Friday. Sex?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why are your pants in the freezer?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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