she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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