then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
