Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
