Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
