Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
