I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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