The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
