you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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