I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
