Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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