So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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