All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The struggles of a small town man whore
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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