Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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