make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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