dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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