champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
