the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
