I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
