I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
