things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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