dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
