I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm like, not good at living.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
