Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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