Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
