I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
