do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
