Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
