People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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