mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
