So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
