You smell like stripper and shame
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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