So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
