I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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