In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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