I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Randomize
