I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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