Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
