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Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
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