i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
