trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
