the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
