Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
