Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
