I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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