I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
