ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
